So we got to the place, and quickly discover that it was one of those "which frat guy can bring the most girls" parties. We knew some friends there, though, and decided to hang out a while. Well, after about two hours, board out of our minds (and disgusted by the dancing), we decided to go downstairs to wait for the bus to take us home. I start down the stairs first, but a guy standing on the top step rams his hand in front of me. Giving him a "what the fuck?" look, he explained that no one was allowed downstairs until the bus arrived. Oh, except any guy who wanted to go downstairs, "because the men's bathroom was down there." I gave up a quick fight, but not wanting to cause a scene, I backed off. Especially as I didn't really know any of the frat guys, I frankly felt a bit unsafe pushing it. This is one of those things that I am going to regret.
This scene plays out as follows- the guy has roughly 30 women standing at the top of the stairs, all being refused exist. Guy after guy moves past him with ease.
Now, I'm not sure if this is a typical maneuver at these frat things. However, I asked my mother who works in law, and she confirmed my suspicions. His refusal to let me, or any of the other women leave was (and I'm sure I'm butchering legal terminology here) fallacious restraint, or... God, what's it called? OH, KIDNAPPING.
I get the potential argument that this was done to prevent drunk driving or public drunkard shenanigans, but then, we were all driven there via the bus.... none of us had cars. What upset me most (beside having my freedom hindered by a civilian) was the fact that it is very possible that a woman be assaulted at one of these things. In fact, I witnessed various acts that bordered on such behavior. If this had happened, or, hell, even had one of the girls felt unsafe, they would have been stuck. It is a shitty, shitty environment and organization that allows behavior like that.
Finally, I would like to point out that this is a common frat- guy/house move. My friends and I have shared horror-stories of being virtually trapped in the houses by guys who block exists.
I'm curious if any of you have experienced such behavior, as well as what you all think about this. Am I overreacting here? Again, this is going to fester that I didn't say anything.
That is absolutely ridiculous. I am so sorry that you had to endure such "frat-tastic" behavior...The worst I ever witnessed was 2 years ago when all the girls in my dorm were getting dressed to go to a "naughty school girl" party where the guys would dress up as teachers, gym coaches, etc. NO THANK YOU!
ReplyDeleteNow if you don't mind, I have my own rant about frats because I have definitely been pissed off by their shitty ass "rules." One of my ex-friends I guess you could say is a member of a fraternity. I couldn't STAND his "secretive" frat language he would use around me and his constant bragging about his fratty parties. But one thing that really got to me was how he wasn't allowed to talk to me for a week because I am a woman. His frat implemented a rule that their recruits or rushers or whatever that they couldn't talk to girls FOR A WEEK...I was pissed. Like, if I went up to him in public, he couldn't look at me, talk to me, etc. And he didn't fight it at all! He just let it happen! And I may have threatened to yell at one of his fraternity brothers because I thought their rules were bullshit...moral of the story, I have had issues with fraternities as well and how they treat women as "prizes" I guess you could say.
Hannah you are not reacting at all! Women in the world of frats are used a prizes. They are denied access to rights (going downstairs) that the frat bros have. I have heard of so many frat behaviors like, naughty nuns and priests etc. I can understand now why so many sexist/racists/homophobic ideas still stick around. In Europe frats do not exist UNLESS the university has some sister-brother affiliation to the USA. Parties there had there issues, but I can never remember being barred exit at any club, house party, or rave! My whole idea of the rights for women changed once I did start entering the US education system in my freshman year. Not only have I not been allowed to leave parties, but when I was sexual assaulted at one I was told that he didn't do anything wrong and I was being too frigid. Yep I'm too frigid when it comes to sexual assault! Anyways back to my main point!! Hannah you did the right thing, and I also think that if you had argued more at the party you may have been in danger. That may sound dramatic, but things can turn nasty very quickly in places like that. Something needs to be done on this campus about things like this. I have so many problems with Greek like I cannot even begin to explain. I would be typing for hours probably!!!
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ReplyDeleteThis is fucking disgusting. You are totally not alone in those feelings, Hannah. And Kirsten, seriously that level of wow, not even acknowledging women in public...holy shit man...I don't have words for this stuff.
ReplyDeleteI've only ever been to one of these events freshman year, while visiting a friend at the University of Minnesota (so, HUGE frat scene there). A guy walking by me at the bar pinched my butt, and when I turned around outraged to see who had done it (the asshole laughing with his friends pointing) I pinched his arm, hard. haha NOT the most effective way to react, but it was something! and I'm sure he got the message that I was NOT ok with what had happened. probably more of a reaction than what he might be used to receiving. I have no tolerance for that shit, when someone invades my personal space like that. probably (lightbulb!) because the first time I ever experienced sexual harassment/assault was in a similar manner, some neighbor boys taking turns slapping my ass, while I was actually running away from them. I ran home despite their pleas that "it was just a joke", I felt utterly helpless and confused because my girlfriend that was there thought it was funny too. I didn't know what to do. I don't have tolerance for the "all in good fun" argument, or that fratty behavior implying that women are there as playthings. wow fuck all that.
also, what about violence in response to sexual assault/ harassment? I don't normally condone it, but it was just my gut reaction...maybe not good